I hope this column finds you mostly recovered from the egregious and tragic news of the week.  Yes, friends, Seth Rollins debuted a new finisher on RAW.  I could hear you all weeping and gnashing your teeth from the comfort of my bed, mourning the loss of the Curb Stomp.

While “The Architect” has only been a main event player for a brief period, his finishing move sure worked its way into our hearts, didn’t it?  That’s the beauty of the truly good ‘match-enders’ – the Superkick, the Sharpshooter, the GTS – sometimes they expand beyond the talents themselves.

The perfect finisher is more than just a flashy move; it’s truly a combination of the right maneuver done by the right superstar, usually to the right opponent.  Now, I’m not going to talk much about the Stone Cold Stunner in this column, and if you’ve read my recent work you know why – I take issue with Austin taking issue with someone using his move, so he and I are in a fight right now.

However, what I will say is that one of the reasons the Stunner was so good is because guys like Vince McMahon and The Rock made it look like they died each and every time they took it.  It takes a lot to go right in order for a finishing move to transcend.

This is probably why so many current WWE finishers are so. . .well. . .underwhelming, as evidenced by Rollins’ new “Faceplant DDT”, as I’ll call it until I am told otherwise.  Outside of Rollins’ “other” finisher (more on that later), there wasn’t going to be much that was going to replace the Curb Stomp.  It’s just too synonymous with Seth right now.

However, being that it’s the topic of the week, it seems, and it also happens to be “What If Wednesday”, it’s time to finally put this finisher topic to bed.  I’ve been toying with this column idea for months now – even went ahead and wrote a good portion of it before losing it in an unfortunate Interwebz accident.   But, as John Cena’s entrance music tells us, “The Time is Now”, so here we go.

It is up to me. . . DC Matthews, Chief of Staff of the New Age Insiders. . . to make things right in the realm of finishing moves.

I’m going to take the less-exciting moves away from some of your favorite sports entertainers and give them new ones that might take them over the top.  In some cases, I might even trade one talents’ finisher for another, since its entirely possible what doesn’t work for the proverbial goose may be just right for that damn gander.

Most importantly, though, I’m giving people 2 finishers.

Yes, you heard me right, TWO!  It is my personal opinion that having multiple finishing moves benefits everyone involved – the wrestlers, the audience, everybody.  The superstars have more flexibility and opportunities to create engaging moments and the fans remain firmly sir-planted on the edge of their seats because they’re not quite as sure what’s coming.

John Cena, for all his faults, has it right.  He can end a match with an AA or with an STF – if he wasn’t so hated, we’d appreciate the diversity a little more.  So each talent that I’ll talk about in these columns (I have a feeling this is going to be a series, not just a one-shot deal) will have two finishing moves.  To make things even more exciting, I’ve broken things up into categories, and no talent can have two finishers from the same one.

 Power Moves, Strikes, Aerial Moves and Submissions

These are, to me, the four types of moves, and it is in this vein that I created my new finishers.

To start, we’ll begin with the three former Shield brothers, since they will spend the rest of their lives being spoken about in the same breath.

Seth Rollins

Our reigning and defending World Heavyweight Champion is obviously in a transition period when it comes to his moveset, so there is no better person to start with than he.  Most of you would probably immediately return the Curb Stomp to him, but partially just to irritate my fans and partially because I have convictions, I’m not doing it.  Fear not, friends, you’ll see the move, just not with this particular talent.

Finisher 1 – Phoenix Splash

This is obviously going to be Rollins’ “big moment” move; what Lesnar’s Shooting Star Press would have been had he not almost died trying it at Wrestlemania.  Were it up to me, though, Seth’s aerial acrobatics would be a significant part of his repertoire.  It’s a thing of beauty to behold, and should be seen more often.

Finisher 2 – Turnbuckle Bomb into a Superkick

I know that the Superkick has become as common as a headlock in today’s wrestling world, but hear me out – I’ve given this some thought.

First of all, it just makes a lot of sense when you consider the natural rhythm of the set-up.  Rollins picks up his opponents for the Turnbuckle Bomb, tossing them into the corner.  They usually do some sort of rebound when that happens, which means they’re essentially walking right into Superkick territory.  All Seth has to do is take a quick step or two back after throwing his opponent, and SMACK!  A little “Sweet Chin Music” gets him the 1-2-3.

Second, and I won’t lie to you, there’s implications abound here – Rollins is very much to me what Shawn Michaels was in the mid 90’s, only put in a bit of a time compressor.  Part of a great tag team?  Check.  Turned on his partner(s) in epic style?  Check.  Ran around the mid-card scene (HBK with the IC title, Seth with the briefcase) having incredible matches each and every night?  Check.  Wins their first World Title at Wrestlemania?  Check.   Looks to be the complete and total future of the company?  Double check.

I’m not saying. . I’m really not. . .that Rollins is Michaels 2.0 – that’s too much pressure for any single talent.  I am saying, though, that if anyone was going to bring the Superkick back to match-ending prominence, it’s Rollins, especially if he has a picture perfect set-up move to go with it.

Note: You could talk me into a Shining Wizard or some other leg-based strike here, if you really wanted to.

Dean Ambrose

Mr. Lunatic Fringe was the subject of much discussion on NAIpod and said discussion centered around this very topic – How bad Dirty Deeds is and how much Ambrose needs a new finisher.  Now, I think the Double Arm DDT is a MUCH better match-ender than the original piece of junk that bore that name, but as Jason Moltov has said, I really don’t see Dean winning a World Title off of it.

The easy answer is the Stunner, I grant you.  It makes a lot of sense on a lot of levels.  I’m going to think a little outside the box here, and again, I have my reasons.  One, the boys just talked about it, and I don’t want to even pretend to be co-opting their ideas for my own bloggy-blog purposes.

Two, I’m serious when I say that Austin and I are in a fight right now – We’re giving each other the silent treatment, we’re clattering dishes around loudly, I’m even considering playing “break-up songs” really loud on my stereo with the door closed and posting cryptic AIM away messages to make him feel badly about himself.

(Side note: Does anyone even use Away messages anymore?  Hell, does anyone even use AIM anymore?)

(Even more of a side note:  Anyone remember ICQ?  Where you were just a number?  That was crazy, right?  And while I’m on the subject, what in God’s name is a “KIK” and why do people keep mentioning it?  #GETOFFMYLAWN)

Anyway, where was I?  Ah yes, there will be no Stunner here, even though there really should be.

Fun fact: As I did some research in preparation for writing this, I discovered something – Dean Ambrose was quite the submission specialist back in the day.  Since the character of Ambrose is not very power-driven anyway, let me run quite far afield here and abandon any DDT / Cutter varieties at all with my choices.

Finisher 1 – Crossface Chicken Wing OR Rings of Saturn – take your pick

To know me is to know of my unabashed love of the great submission specialists in the world of wrestling – the William Regals, the Dean Malenkos, the Bret Harts.  Since Ambrose obviously has the submission game in his pocket, let’s let him use it!

Both of these finishers are upper-body focused (as is Dean’s moveset), quite painful-looking to behold and would allow for the camera to show both Ambrose’s face and his opponents.

Honestly, just select the one you like the best.  I could go either way.

Finisher 2 – Curb Stomp

Scoff if you must, but seriously, isn’t this move much more along the lines of a lunatic than an architect?  If Ambrose had been doing this move since the jump, nobody would have batted an eye – in fact, I think it would make perfect sense for his character.

I can understand why some of you might have a problem with this notion, but I’m going to stick with it.  To sweeten the deal, we can add the Ambrose Flippy Dippy Rope move before he does the Stomp.  Maybe that’ll make it better.

Roman Reigns

One of the biggest regrets of my life (not really, but go with me here) is not coming up with my self-assessed “genius” idea in time to do it on the post-Mania NAIpod.  I’ll spell it out for you here, but I promise you, the audio would have been far better.

The difference between Lesnar and Reigns could really be narrowed down to their moveset.  With Brock Lesnar, he was going to literally beat you, throw you on your head and generally own your ass until you could no longer continue to compete.

Reigns, on the other hand?  He’s more like a 5 year old trying to describe what he’d do as a superhero.  A small written snippet of “Baby Reigns”

You see, what I’m going to do is I’m going to run at you reeeeaallll fast (after I load up my special punching gun), then I’m going to JUMP right up into the air and I’m going to hit you right in the face!  Like I’m Superman!  And then, when you’re going “Oh no, my face!”, I’m going to back up, I’m going to crouch down and get ready!  Watch out!  Then I’m going to run at you and smack you square in the tummy, you big bully!  And you won’t be able to get up.   P-chew!  Here it comes!  Right in the belly button!

Not exactly WHC material when I put it that way, is he?

It’s not that the spear isn’t bad.  In fact, I’m fine with Finisher 1 being the spear. I personally think Reigns would benefit more from doing more of a Monty Brown “Pounce” than a Goldberg Spear, but whatever makes him happy.

It’s the second finisher that means more to me.  Reigns has always been about power.  For Heaven’s sake, he was the guy who lifted people up for the Triple Powerbomb.  How does he NOT have a power finisher?

Finisher 2 – The Dominator

It’s not anything overly scientific, nor is it a Jackhammer, though I considered it.  Pick the guy up and then slam him down on his face.  That’s all you need to do, Roman.  Use a man’s finisher, otherwise, Ron Simmons is going to have a choice word for you.

(I don’t even need to use the graphic here – You know what he’d say.)

What do YOU think?  Would these finishers work for these talents?  Who should be next in the series?  Be Heard.

From the NAI Archive – April 22, 2015 – What if Wednesday – What if the former Shield brothers had new finishing moves?
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